To the beloved colleague and prankster who pulled every other book out on my office shelf, I only have this to say…
“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you put my books back in order now that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will ‘Hasselhoff’ you.”
“I pity the fool who was disrespectful to your books.” Good luck in finding him/her.